Bullies Beware

By Doug Borrie, PhD

Movies know how to handle bullies. In “Christmas Story,” Farkas is famously beaten up by a raging Ralphie. In “Karate Kid,” Daniel defeats his tormentor at the karate tournament by giving him a taste of his own medicine. In real life, however, such clear cut results are rare.

And, in these modern times of ours, kids not only have to deal with the Farkas’ of the world, but with bullying on the internet and on cell phones. Imagine the shame felt when bullying is not just witnessed by other kids at the bus stop, but by the whole world. Imagine, as children do, that the future is only as distant as the next school day, and that the feelings of today will never go away, and it is not hard to imagine how things can quickly spiral to an end point as final as a school shooting or suicide.

It is therefore welcome news that Florida has a new anti-bullying law. It is called the Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act, and named after a student who committed suicide after being bullied for years. The importance of the law is that it gives schools the ability to combat bullying both on campus and off, where cyber bullying occurs. It gives schools the responsibility to investigate, remediate, and when necessary apply sanctions to stop the bullying.

As parents, our role is also clear. When your child is bullied, immediately offer support and reassurance. Let your child know that this is a problem you will now be working on together. Allow your child to speak about his or her fears. Talk about the bully, “bullies are unhappy, and they want to make you unhappy, too. Let’s show them they can’t do that.” Or, “no one is allowed to hurt you or harass you. We’ll let the school know and the police, too, they know how to stop bullies.”

Since bullies feed on the reaction of their target, teach your child to use a poker face, act nonchalant, or feign pre-occupation with an I-Pod, cell phone or book. If there are negative comments posted on a My Space page or through Instant Messaging teach your child to log off, or go elsewhere on the internet. Kids can get pulled into reading these harmful words, so help them see that they don’t have to. Bullies are not always a part of life, and what seems to be a permanent state of agony will go away, eventually. It may be cold comfort for the moment, but it’s good to remind kids that this problem does have an expiration date.

After doing what you can, start getting others to help. Call the school. Let them know what is happening. If you have names, give them. Ask for the school’s policy on bullying and encourage the school to follow all the steps in that policy. Document your phone calls and actions. If you believe the school is not being responsive, ask for an appointment with the principal. If the school is doing everything it can, thank them. If the bullying involves threats or actual physical harm to person or property, call the police.

You won’t get a movie ending. Your bully may never have to pay an adequate price for his or her behavior. But maybe they’ve paid that price already. Maybe that’s why they bully. Anyway, If you do your job well, if you firmly support your child and you insist that the school do the same, you will have taught your child much more than how to overcome bullying, and when the credits hit the screen, your name will appear as Best Parent in a Supporting Role.