When the Family Budget Shrinks

By Doug Borrie, PhD

Children know. They hear, they see, they remember, and, they have an “over the cliff” type thinking when they see parents stressed. When adults complain about gas prices, kids start to watch the gas gauge with trepidation. When adults worry about the economy, jobs, or food shortages, children worry too.

But parents know how to calibrate their worry about these things. For some families, rising gas prices means that more of the family budget is spent at the pump, but no seismic shifts are required in their day to day lives. For others, significant changes may be needed to meet changing economic conditions. Most parents have been through shortages and scares before, and know that, in time, things get back to normal, or at least pretty close to what they once were. For kids, especially younger ones, there are only two possible ways for things to go. Either everything will stay the same, or, everything will change. Children will react in extremes if left alone to figure out what is going on. They will fear the worst if left alone to decide how fearful to be.

The flip side of this is that they will react much differently if they are helped by their parents to understand what is happening. As with all information passed from parents to children, the age of the child determines how much information is passed. For younger children, first and foremost, it is important to keep your own anxiety to yourself. Passing this on to younger children does not help you, and certainly does not help your child. Instead, a casual approach, paired with a positive outcome is best. “Looks like our Friday nights at the pizza parlor will have to become ‘make our own pizza night!’” Or, “we’re going to have to keep the house a little warmer so the air conditioner runs less. Let’s get the fans down from the attic!”

For older children, a measured discussion of what is happening and what might happen works well. Give them the information they will need to decide for themselves how to feel and what to do. “A few people at work were laid off. But, so far, my job seems secure.” Or, “Our budget has really shifted. We’re going to have to cut down on some of the extras.” Expressing some of your own concerns is ok here; it’s going to show anyway.

Give your children something to do to help. A soldier in the cost cutting army is much better than a dissident who complains at every change. “Mommy, the cat loves sitting in front of the fan!” is preferable to “it’s hot… why is it so hot???” They will want to help, really.

Each family member can come up with a list of how to cut costs and what he or she is willing to sacrifice. In times of national crisis or war, people pull together. In times of family crisis, the same holds true. You may be surprised at your children’s willingness to help, you may even be surprised at some of their suggestions (like: “daddy, if you didn’t smoke, would that save money?” Or “mom, if you didn’t go to the gym, would that save money?”). But don’t ever be surprised at the desire of your children to be a part of the family, a contributing part, who want nothing more than for the family to stay together, and for things to stay the same.